This Saturday after lifting I saw Irving. Irving is a trainer at the gym who works in the mornings, so I rarely see him. We've chatted a bit in the past, so I'll usually say hello on the rare times we are both at the gym. It had been months since I'd seen him so I of course reminded him that I was gone because I got my tummy tuck. He said he had noticed I looked good and thought I just lost some more weight. I said thanks and followed up with my standard, "Yes, but I need to lose 30 more pounds." Irving replied with, "And I need..." and allowed the word 'need' to drag on as he was over-dramatically thinking. I thought, if he says he needs to lose weight that is just ridiculous because he is fine the way he is. But then he finished his sentence: "to earn about $21.4 million more dollars." I joked that he should tell Liz I am fine the way I am and walked away, but I haven't shaken the thought.
I told Liz in my session last Thursday that I am ok with losing and gaining the same 5 pounds week after week, but want the range to be 30 pounds less than where it is now. She said that this behavior is not good for that and even if I lost the 30 pounds, the gaining and losing will inevitably put the 30 back on. In her opinion.
So, I have been thinking. Thinking a decent amount about this. Do I want to lose 30 pounds? Of course. I know I can get there (I was there last year) and it makes me "healthy" according to the world of medicine. This is one of the goals I asked Liz to help me achieve. Other goals are: a) to be strong; b) to feel healthy and fit; and c) to have nice looking arms. :)
I was talking to a friend yesterday and I feel like what I took from what Irving was saying is that it has to be about the journey as well. It has to be about finding my passion/drive/joy/excitement from the process as much as--if not more than--the goals.
The reality is: I am VERY happy with how I currently look (with the exception of my arms--but they're ok...just could be better) and feel and with how my clothes fit. So why am I playing the "30 more pounds" game? I wonder if this goal and my lack of forward progress toward it isn't making me feel defeated and not be as successful.
I am toying with the idea of removing the 30 pound weight loss goal from my list and have my entire purpose in training be to be healthy, fit and strong. I really think that weight loss--however much or little may be--will come as a natural by-product of that. I don't think anything will change in my day to day practice...but it would just...be different?
I don't know...still thinking... :) And as always, this is an open invitation for your thoughts as well. :)
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